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| Jun 19, 2007 4:48 pm |
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re: Why Swearin’ and Cussin’ in a Sales Letter Can Make You Rich |
Denise Michaels
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I'm seeing both sides of this issue. Denise Michaels here - author of "Testosterone-Free Marketing" and "Secrets to Money-Making Sales Letters" - an e-book.
Barry makes some good points but I think he's going a little over the edge for some of us who may be unaccustomed to this point of view.
In my e-book I tell readers - don't write sales letters above an eighth grade vocabulary level. Here's why: Left to my own devices I write at about a second or third year college level. Journalism was one of my majors way back in college (Marketing was t'other). You see - I used to LOVE creating this linguistic tapestry of words with my sales letters and people would send me emails saying "that's the best sales letter I've ever read" but nobody bought. Besides those empty compliments - I got nuthin' but thundering silence. Really disappointing. And I had to really learn how to swallow my pride to write this way. It was a big hit to my ego - because I took so much pride in my writing skills. When I backed off my vocabulary to an eighth grade level - just that alone created a significant improvement in sales.
Now if you disagree with Barry - and you've never sold anything with a sales letter to customers who don't know you from Adam - then your opinion is not based on real experience. So I suggest having an open mind on this subject.
Here's something to consider: newspapers are written at about an eighth grade level. So, it's about the level of difficulty most people are accustomed to - day to day.
Here's something else to chew on: simple language is the most powerful and compelling. The minute your prospective customer reads a word for which they don't have complete comprehension - you start losing 'em. They start wandering. They're not as focused on what you're saying and they're getting closer and closer to clicking away. Scientific studies bear this out. By keeping your language fairly simple - you're much more likely to keep readers engaged.
Okay - so there's three good reasons to keep your vocabulary familiar and friendly - I discuss these in greater depth in my e-book.
About grammar - I'm not a perfect grammarian - but I'm pretty good. Mostly by osmosis. If I had to recite the laws of grammar to you - I'd lose the bet and I'd be buying the next round of beers, margueritas or whatever. But I'm pretty good. However, I will break the rules of grammar with impunity - if I believe in my heart of hearts that it will hurtle the reader along more quickly through the copy in a compelling, engaged way. No joke.
However I think it helps to know the rules of grammar before you break them. At least somewhat.
On the other hand - if grammar is really bad - it's disconcerting and it slows the reader down and distracts them.
One of the grammar rules I break frequently on ryze and in my sales letters is regarding fragment sentences. Short, punchy ones. They're like the dot at the bottom of an exclamation point. The coolest shoes at the bottom of a woman's outfit. Now, too many sentence fragments - and you'll lose your reader. Personally I don't care for run-on sentences because I think they're not as clear or compelling. But I do like to mix up longer sentences with short punchy ones. Try it - it works.
I've never used swearin' or cussin' words in a sales letter before. But I've been tempted. There's a part of me I think people might keep reading because they'll think, "Did she really just say THAT?" but I don't know if that shock will translate into buyers, or, if it will turn 'em off. After all - I'm a woman. And women are generally judged by different standards of appropriateness than men.
I've been trained by the best when it comes to sales letters: Mark Carlson, the late Garry Halbert, Jeff Paul, Dan Kennedy and Jay Abraham (Jay isn't a copywriter - but he's a classic marketing guru - and one I've learned from). There was a time when I could pick up the phone just a few years ago and call any of them - and get them on the line. Not an assistant or a voice mail. So, I understand where you're coming from.
One thing where I do take issue: when talking about your customer you said - he, him, the man - and all manner of "testosterone-heavy" words to describe your ideal customer. And, it's not just the use of the masculine pronoun - because it does just make reading a little easier if you're selling to a crowd of men AND women. Beyond that, one of the things I've noticed about all the copywriting gurus is that they all seem to write as if their customer is always a man. A real coyboy, take-no-sh*t kinda guy. Yet, last study I checked through the Internet Marketing experts says about 60-something percent of the online sales these days - are to women.
I've heard Mark Carlson say "talk with your customer like you were having a beer together at the bar." I agree with the notion of writing like you're writing to one person - a good friend. Never write to "the masses" or "the community." It comes across as too preachy or stuck-up.
But what if my ideal customer (mostly women - a lot married and a lot with kids) just isn't the kind of person who frequents a bar, drinks a beer - or "bellies up" to anything? See, I've read sales letters by Carlson, Halbert, Sterling, Paul and others - and they're good. Really good. But, very often they give me the impression that they don't want my business - or the business of other 51% of the population that is women. Fine if you're selling cigars or jock straps - but what about everything else?
All the best,
Denise Michaels
Author, "Testosterone-Free Marketing"
Author, "Secrets to Money-Making Sales Letters:
Visit: http://www.salesletterebook.com
Private Reply to Denise Michaels (new win) |
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